3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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