Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Randomize
