your parents love me but you hate me
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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