I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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