she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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