Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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