She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
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We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
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He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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