Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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