It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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