he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
