I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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