I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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