Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
