if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
