we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
