It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
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Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
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She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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