fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i dont even know how to be here
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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