New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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