who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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