I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
