We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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