he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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