that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
