i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
