Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
