Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize