I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
