i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
