she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
