I'd wear matching sweaters with you
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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