Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
