good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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