I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You are a genius and a whore.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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