How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
