You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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