i will never coherently bang her
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
