I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
please don't ironically join a cult
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