I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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