I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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