Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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