when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
