Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
