glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
why is half of my head shaved?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
