saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
