Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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