sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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