I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
