Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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