for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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