So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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