none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
