I seem to have left my pride at pride
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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