We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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