My underwear smells like fireworks.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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