i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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