I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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