This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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