I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
