Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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