he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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