i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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