Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
This is my gift to your gina
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
