I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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