He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
