in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
