get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
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Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
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You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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