I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
