Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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