I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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