I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
