i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
