It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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