bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
