How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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