we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
