I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
