Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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