I skipped work to stalk him.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Barsexuality is the new black.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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