Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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