i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
