we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
